I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

I wrote a pretty popular piece yesterday about how bad things happen to everyone and how I shouldn’t take things so hard. Then, of course, today I find out in an effort to get my truck to the garage the other day without having it towed, I burnt out the engine. This basically means it is dead, unless I want to drop a new engine it, which would cost about as much as buying a new truck at this point. Oh, and by the way, I am still unemployed at the moment.

And this is how it is has gone lately – a pretty good day followed by about five bad ones. Lots of roller coasterkindhearted people telling me they’re praying for me and that good things are right around the corner, and me thinking, “Really? Where are all these ‘good things’ you speak of? I don’t see any sign of them.” Brief moments where I don’t blame myself for everything, quickly replaced by moments like today where I learn I am completely, 100 percent to blame for what’s wrong.

I’m sick of it. I want off this roller coaster. Everything I’m doing is either failing or backfiring. I am losing hope, and no pill or counselor or anything else is doing much to restore it right now.

I know none of that was encouraging or constructive or uplifting in the least. I am sure I will be chided severely for even writing it. It’s how I feel tonight, though, and it’s my blog, so I can write it if I want to.

That is all. Good night.

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