I have long known that I have perfectionist tendencies. I just cannot stand to get anything wrong. This has become extremely evident to me as of late in the new job I am doing. Without going into great detail, the potential exists for me to complete a task, send it on down the line, and have no idea whether I actually did it right or not. It is absolutely maddening. I am constantly wondering if I made a mistake.

For those who maybe don’t know by now, I am also taking some masters level counseling classes at the local How-can-I-be-a-perfectionistuniversity. It is virtually impossible to go through counseling classes without doing at least a little bit of self-examination, and I stumbled across another truth about myself in writing a paper for one of my classes last week. In addition to being a perfectionist, I also suffer from low self-esteem.

So, to put this into perspective, here is what I am: I am a person who wants to get everything right, who actually does not believe he can do anything right.

Make sense?

For some reason, the absurdity of this only struck me this past week. It’s like, okay, which is it, dude? Do you really believe you have the capability to perform every task perfectly, or do you actually think you’re screwing everything up all the time?

Well, I’m not exactly sure.

What I figure will eventually have to happen is one of two things. I will either gain a supreme amount of self-confidence and believe I am capable of perfection, which will allow me to continue to be a frustrated perfectionist, or I will learn to live with my imperfections and develop a healthy self-esteem that will not rely on my getting everything right all the time.

Gee, I think I just answered my own question…
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