(The following scenario actually occurred during my sons’ Upward Basketball practice this evening. This should give you an indication of how ridiculously overactive my brain can be at times. Enjoy!)

Okay, break time. The little kids are headed off the court for a while, meaning my 9 year old son and I can grab a basketball and shoot on one of the empty goals. Well, I’ll mostly let him do the shooting. I mean, I don’t want to seem as if I’m trying to show off in front of all these other parents. It would be nice, though, to show how athletic I still am. That’s ego talking. Just shag balls for the kid. No one here wants to see you fire up bricks on an eight-and-a-half foot rim.

We find our goal, and I begin rebounding shots for my son. I’m tempted to sling a pass or two behind my back,

VANDENBERG AIR FORCE BASE, Calif. – the playoffs begin for the over-30 league teams Aug. 4 at the fitness center here. The championship game is scheduled to take place Aug. 10 at the fitness center gym here. (U.S. Air Force photo/Airman 1st Class Kerelin Molina)

but that would be ridiculous to do with a third-grader as my target. Again, I’m not out here to show off, although I can pull off some pretty nifty passes. Maybe a one-handed bounce pass would do. Nice middle ground. Don’t want to throw it too hard, though. This isn’t a game. It’s just shooting around. But I’m not shooting. That would be showing off … or embarrassing, considering I might miss.

Oh, no. Now there’s a little girl shooting on the same goal with us. She looks to be around the same age as my son. Where are this girl’s parents? I feel awkward now. I hope I don’t look creepy or predatory standing here. Wait, there’s her dad, sitting on the sidelines. He’s giving her some pointers on shooting. Should I still be out here? Well, I’m rebounding her shots now, too. I should pass the ball more softly. And no shooting. What if I hit someone in the head?

Okay, I’m taking a shot. Clank. Off the front of the rim. I knew that was a bad idea. I’m sure everyone saw that. Mr. 41 year old, out there trying to look cool. Ugh. I think my hoodie came up when I shot, too. I hope no one saw my stomach.

Shouldn’t the other kids be coming back any second now? A third shooter, a boy a little older than my son and the girl, has joined us now. The kid is pretty good, but now I’m corralling shots for three people instead of the one I started with. I’m not even an assistant coach. How did I wind up out here in the middle of this? I think my son is getting tired of shooting. Do I just walk off and leave the other two? I’m sort of the designated rebounder now. The other dad isn’t coming to my rescue. What do I do now?

The kids are back! We all clear off the court, and I take a seat next to my son. I sort of wish I had taken some more shots. Actually, no, I’m glad I didn’t. That would have been showing off … or embarrassing … or both. I’m going behind the back next time, though. Well, if there is a next time. I have to get brave enough again to get on the court in front of other parents. Rebounding is always safe, however. Just throw the ball back. Don’t make too much eye contact, and don’t seem creepy. And don’t wear the hoodie next time. Definitely a longer shirt with no elastic bottom…

(This post could actually continue for another 1,287 words, but I think you get the point. Having an overly analytical mind can be a great benefit. Then again, it can lead to scenarios like the one I just described. Use with caution, I suppose. And don’t be creepy…)
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