I was on a such a roll, too…

After weeks of not having the time (or, quite frankly, the motivation) to post anything new on this blog, I finally find myself with some time off school and a renewed interest in sharing my experiences with depression online again. I had a goal of writing something new every day, with possibly the exception of weekends, and I was intent of re-establishing this site as one that would feature fresh content as often as possible. For a while, I did exactly what I wanted to do.

bang-head-hereAnd then last week happened.

To be fair, not everything which kept me from writing last week could be classified as “bad.” I had dinner with a good friend one night, and I also got to take in the new X-Men movie (which, sadly, was not very good). For the most part, though, last week was one big, giant annoyance. It began with my attempts to move this site to a different web hosting service. The whole process was unpleasant, even down to the reason I had to move the site in the first place. I could (and probably will someday) write a post explaining the details one day, but for now I will just say the site got moved and the blog is back where it should be.

I had my second sleep study performed last Friday night. This consisted of me being hooked up to a CPAP machine, an experience I can honestly I did not find particularly enjoyable. The nurse told me in the morning that I “reacted poorly” to several settings on the machine, something I could have guessed by the feeling I had of basically not sleeping at all during the night. Then I had to work the next day, another highly enjoyable experience which consisted of several cups of coffee and numerous instances of me slapping myself in the face to stay awake.

Even with all that going on, with all the missed days of posting nothing at all here, with the sleep deprivation, with the frustration of not being able to do what I set out to do, the worst part of the whole thing was how utterly and terribly alone I felt through it all. To me, that is one of the greatest lies depression can make us believe: You are alone. Even at a movie with friends or talking with tech support or taking my daughter out for her belated birthday celebration. No one cares. No one understands. No one is there.

My summer classes begin again this week, so I am not sure how much time I will have to write here over the next five weeks or so. I will pop in whenever I can, though, if for no other reason than to try to make a connection with someone who may read what I have written. Somehow, writing gives me a sense that there is actually someone out there who cares what I have to say. I hope that sense is right.

One comment on “Hard Times in the Blogosphere

  • I enjoy your blog updates and I care. And I’m sure I would also “react poorly” in the event that I ever participated in a sleep study. It has been suggested that I have one done but I figure why waste the money because I know that I wouldn’t use the device even it is was determined that I needed it….. which I don’t. I don’t think anyone could be expected to sleep “normally” hooked up to those machines and knowing that someone was just waiting for you to drift off. Keep up the good work and hope your summer is filled with sweet dreams.

Leave a Reply