2287457553_a9ba779f2fI had a pretty good day today. Went to church, took three of my kids to the mall, got some Starbucks coffee, and even scored a pretty sweet deal on some Disney Infinity stuff. And now I’m sitting here doing one of my favorite things in life, which is writing not for a paycheck or to meet a deadline but rather simply because I enjoy doing it.

Yep, it has been a pretty good day.

Not a great day, though.

As a matter of fact, I can’t even remember the last day I looked back on and thought, “Man, today totally rocked!” As good as many of my days have been, there always seemed to be some layer of doubt or anxiety or fear or insecurity lingering in the background. Unfortunately, today was no exception. It was filled with many, many enjoyable moments, but something was still just a little off.

I’m sure if I thought hard enough, I could remember a day when I didn’t feel this way, when all the pieces seemed to fit together exactly as they should. I wonder at times like this, when my mood dips and depression clouds my vision, if I actually want to remember, though. As awful as this will sound to say, it is much easier to wallow in despair than it is to call up the strength necessary to improve one’s mood. Could I possibly be having only “pretty good” days because I don’t want to put in the work to make them great?

I have been actively attempting to look for the positives in each day over the course of the past two weeks. Of course, if you read my post from Friday, you already know I haven’t been totally successful in find those bright spots. Sometimes it feels as if I will never find the peace I am looking for. All I can do is keep trying, though. That’s really all anyone can do, right? Try?

I think that’s a pretty good post for today. Not a great one, though. Guess I’ll have to keep trying for that, too.

Leave a Reply