We’ve had a bit of an emergency situation at my house this week. One of our box fans has stopped working.

Let me explain.

We have a box fan in each of our bedrooms. I am able to sleep whether there is any noise or not, but others in my household are not this way. They need some kind of white noise, so they run the box fans at night.

Understand why this is a dilemma now?

While I may not depend on white noise to help me sleep, I definitely feel as if I need it during other parts of the day. For example, if I’m in the car, the radio is on. If I’m ever at home alone, I turn on the television. Sometimes I even make my own noise by playing an instrument. Fact is, for a fairly subdued person, quiet and I do not always get along.

I used to wonder why that was, but I think I’ve finally figured out. Like many who deal with depression, I am a highly self-aware person. I’m constantly thinking about something. I may even have a touch of attention deficit disorder. It’s like I can’t shut off my brain, so I try to occupy it with noise. Silence means being left alone with me, and that’s not always a pleasant experience.

I can’t imagine what someone with full-on ADHD has to deal with on a daily basis. I can at least sit still for a few minutes and chill out. To have my mind racing 24/7, even when I’m trying to go to sleep… Well, let’s just say I have great sympathy for anyone who has to deal with this.

We’ll definitely be replacing the box fan soon, while I will continue to drive everyone crazy during waking hours with my insistence on having some kind of sound around me. I guess we all need some white noise sometimes … day or night.

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