I really try not to whine too much when my mood dips, usually because I feel as if the things that are bringing me down don’t really matter all that much in the grand scheme of things. I mean, they feel of the utmost importance to me, but I kind of doubt anyone else would care about them all that much. Plus, I don’t like listening to whining, so I don’t want to be guilty of it myself, even though I’m sure I do more than my fair share.

If I were to be a truly honest individual, though, I would say that I have not been very happy with myself recently. I’ve packed on a bunch of weight lately. I haven’t really been exercising. I’m not really seeing any results (except for the weight gain) from the antidepressant medication I’m on right now. I’ve been snapping at my kids too much. I can’t seem to figure out what to do with all the free time I currently have. In short, I’m sort of a mess.

Of course, this is where the crossroads lie, where you have an opportunity to either improve yourself or wallow in your current set of circumstances. I do plan on getting my bicycle fixed and exercising more. I’m going to watch what I eat. I’m in the process of changing medication. I can start playing with my kids more. Classes will start soon, so all that free time will soon be a distant memory. In short, I believe things can change.

While the thought of emerging on the other side of a season a changed person is exciting, however, there still remains the process of actually going through that season, which is often not very much fun at all. This is where I believe so many of us fall into despair. Recognizing we’re in a bad spot is pretty easy, and making improvements always brings elation, but that nebulous phase where the real work is being done can be downright scary. What if we don’t improve? What if things get worse, and, if so, how deep does the spiral go?

Of course, having a fearful attitude is a terrible starting point for a journey of self-improvement, so I’m doing my best to not go there. I’m choosing to remain hopeful and optimistic, even in the face of my expanding waistline and yo-yoing moods. I sincerely hope none of this has come off as whiny. Sometimes it just helps to say “Hey, I’m not doing so great” in the company of friends. I hope your current journey is taking you where you want to go. And if you just need to get something off your chest, you can always leave a comment. I promise there’s no judgement here.

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